I can say that last year my goodbyes were almost nonexistent, I knew that I would be coming back to a place where everyone would still be, that the only thing I would miss was the summer stories which didn't take long to catch up on. I was gone 10 weeks, I hadn't really told many people when I was leaving or for how long, I just kind of got up and left. There was such a beauty to that, a mysterious wonder that left me at such a peace. Now saying goodbye at the end of those 10 weeks is the hardest thing I have had to do, last year was the worst.. knowing that people's live demand different things and that doesn't always mean returning to camp. Not knowing if you will ever see one of those people that had such an impact on you ever again, it's such a confusing feeling; i find myself questioning "why do I encounter people that have such a huge impact on me, only for them to be pulled away" it's hard meeting someone knowing you will never see them again, or at least not for a while. Last summer I met a girl named Aliesha, she has to be one of the inspirational people I have ever encountered, she is so humble but yet so proud of creation. Over my time at camp we grew so close, we would share things thats I have never spoken about to anyone, there is just something about her that is so inviting, maybe it's because we are alike in so many ways. I used to hide behind her cabin and pop my head up from behind the 'wall' (more of a tarp waterproof flap) and scare the living daylights out of her, we would then spend the next 10 minutes rolling on the ground laughing so hard we have tears running down our faces, or sometimes we would go to the hidden hammock and talk for hours about what ever, if she was feeling sad I would instantly change that by making her laugh and vice versa. We just had such a sisterly connection. Now over the last two weeks of summer I realized how hard this goodbye was going to be, now we would write each other letters with jokes or draw funny pictures and place them on each others bunk, now about 3 days before the big goodbye was coming she wrote an unusual letter, and it began with the work GOODBYE.. the word I had been hiding from for over 2 months. Well the day came to say goodbye, it was horrible. See I forgot to mention Aliesha is from New Zealand and that's pretty far... Again kind of ironic because my sister lives in Australia. Anyways we said goodbye, it wasn't a normal i'll never see you again goodbye, somehow we both knew we would see each other again.. In January she arrived at my house to spend a couple days with me before heading home.. Such good times. When I said goodbye for the second time, it was much like the first. I knew it would be a while before we get to see one another again, but there is something about goodbyes that makes it easy to tell if its truly a goodbye (this wasn't).
This year I leave for camp for 3 days then come home for graduation and then go back, but this year in september i won't be returning to what I left from. Everyone will be off in different directions and places, beginning a new chapter of their lives. Its beautiful but also so scary, I don't know if it will be the last time I see them or if it will be the last time all our friends are in the same place together. The people who I've spent the last 4 years with are all dispersing in different directions. There is no knowing when I will see them next and there is no telling when our lives will ever cross paths again, I guess i'll just have to face these goodbyes.
I think it was peter pan that said.
"never say goodbye because goodbye means going away and going means forgetting"
I think that's what I'm most afraid of; forgetting, I don't want to forget, I want to remember the memories, the friends, and the journey, and most of all I want to see everyone again at some point in my life. I want to be at peace with leaving, some of my friends say "are you really leaving this summer, our last summer together" and as much as it kills me to leave this community and my friends here I know that I'm being called to leave. I hope that my goodbyes will be ones that aren't truly goodbyes but see you laters.
so i'm going to leave it at this.. [;]
";" is used when a sentence could have ended, but didn't. I'm using the semicolon to represent a goodbye that could have ended, but didn't.
;
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