Restlessness.

Restlessness...

A term that was so foreign to me for so long, I used to think that restlessness only happened to older people or people that were tired all the time. Man I was so wrong! These past couple years I began to understand what it meant to be restless, but I could never pin point it. I would just think my brain is overactive. I would feel restless so frequently having no idea what it was brought on by, then this past summer I began to feel restless in many circumstances, it grew to the point where some nights I just wouldn't be able to sleep. I pray and prayed about it all the time, it seemed as though the feeling would just grow stronger. I began to understand it a bit more, God would reveal to me what He had planned, what mine and his desires where for our community as hearts began to soften and as God moved I began to feel that. The feeling of restlessness became a way for me to tell, God works in many ways and it takes many forms but He is ALWAYS working and moving in the stillness, in the chaos and thats defiently some I learnt and am learning. Sometimes I found the restlessness unbearable and i  would become frustrated by it, but in that I knew God was working. Anyways, tonight I feel that restlessness as strong as I did this summer. I am hopeful for the ways God is going to move, it almost seems unfamilar being in a community that is so deserted and spread apart instead of close and dependant. I find myself completely exhausted and so tired but yet I cannot sleep, I lay in my bed soaking in worship music, my arms are spread wide and I lay dead centre no pillows nothing, fully soaking. I await patiently for God to reveal to me something, anything. I was brought to a verse, this verse is one that God revealed to a friend that was for me, its Isaiah 35.

The desert and the parched land will be glad;

the wilderness will rejoice and blossom.

Like the crocus,2it will burst into bloom;

it will rejoice greatly and shout for joy.

The glory of Lebanon will be given to it,

the splendor of Carmel and Sharon;

they will see the glory of the Lord,

the splendor of our God.3Strengthen the feeble hands,

steady the knees that give way;

4say to those with fearful hearts,

"Be strong, do not fear;

your God will come,

he will come with vengeance;

with divine retribution

he will come to save you."

5Then will the eyes of the blind be opened

and the ears of the deaf unstopped.

6Then will the lame leap like a deer,

and the mute tongue shout for joy.

Water will gush forth in the wilderness

and streams in the desert.

7The burning sand will become a pool,

the thirsty ground bubbling springs.

In the haunts where jackals once lay,

grass and reeds and papyrus will grow.

8And a highway will be there;

it will be called the Way of Holiness;

it will be for those who walk on that Way.

The unclean will not journey on it;

wicked fools will not go about on it.

9No lion will be there,

nor any ravenous beast;

they will not be found there.

But only the redeemed will walk there,

10and those the Lord has rescued will return.

They will enter Zion with singing;

everlasting joy will crown their heads.

Gladness and joy will overtake them,

and sorrow and sighing will flee away.

I pray. I dream. I awake. 

I turn my head to the clock only to see that about 3 minutes have passed. I begin to toss and turn, frustrated and feeling the need to run again. But where.. where am i running too? This feeling didn't leave so i wait patiently again, I ask " Is this you, what do you have planned because God, I agree!" I then realize that I have a huge tournament tomorrow for tennis. Is this why i'm restless, I question. After pondering that question I realize that as of now only God knows what's up. 

I lay here unsure of how to shake this feeling, than I remembered about this lovely free writing space. And as i'm writing this last bit my eyes are beginning to shut. I laugh to myself in God's humour. I begin to sing the song of the summer.

"Oh my God, He will not delay,

My refuge and strength, always

I will not fear His promise is true

My God will come through, always

Always

Trouble surrounds me, 

Chaos abounding. my soul will rest in you.

I will not fear the war,

I will not fear the storm,

My help is on the way, 

My help is on the way. "

Amen. 

My soul will rest in you.